Tuesday, June 03, 2008

The Quest

Posted by Sarah

pm time- 3-4 mile run- PENDING
pm time- lifting and abs- PENDING

I don't know know what my deal is, but I am in the most awful funk/depression. Do you ever feel just overwhelmed with things? I just feel like I need some sort of vacation or release from everything and everyone. I'm so stressed at work. I can't even go into it but I just have no release. Then I go home and I'm all stressed from the state of my house, our finances, school, and two cats. It just seems that every direction I turn someone is wanting something from me, no matter where I am. I don't even know what would make it better. I know I need to get used to it, life is never going to get any easier, but I'm usually the person that is so in control of things. I'm the planner; the organizer. I can't stand the feeling of just going through the day by the seat of my pants.

As a stress relief last night I went out and had a heck of a run. Every mile was a low 8 minute mile. I was really pushing myself in the humidity, but it felt so good afterwards...that is until I came back into my chaotic house and tried to tackle more school issues. Web classes are not very user friendly sometimes. Especially when you're trying to track down an ebook and then your newly $80 purchased ebook does not contain the code needed to unlock the program needed to complete my homework. GRRRRRR. After an email to the instructor, it was an additional $20 to get the code for the program.

All this time that I'm trying to get school squared away, my cats are driving me insane. Ry is staying at his parents house most of this week so it is just me trying to corral the kids. George is such a kitty and I'm completely at a loss at how to deal with it. My body is shredded, my clothes are nicked in all locations because he just LEAPS from out of nowhere to attach to your legs (he's ruined a nice pair of workout shorts and put a nice nick in my pretty white dress slacks), he tries to eat the electrical cords, our furniture (including all sofas and chairs) are his personal scratching posts, he gets stuck in tiny locations and I have to go dig him out, and he cries non-stop. I sound like a terrible mother, after all, he's just a baby. Babies do these things. If it was just him it wouldn't be so bad, but then I have Callie. Callie who likes to back George into corners and eat his food. Callie, who is not allowed kitty food because she is on a prescription diet.

And then finances...we are pretty good budget followers but lately we're just bleeding out money like it's water. Most of it is just random weird things, like summer classes for Sarah, ebooks, eye doctors appointments, new glasses, and expensive vet bills for George, but it's so frustrating. I thought we would have our stupid stimulus money now but we still haven't received it. That would sure help out our savings account that just keeps getting smaller. My class is costing me more that what I had originally thought. Oh well. It's just money, right? We need to get back on track. I know we will, but that's just another source of stress for me.

Well, I won't keep dragging this on. I know you all really don't care why I'm in a bad mood today, but it is somewhat cathartic to write it out. I need to get my workouts back in line, in the mornings. When I'm "down" I'm just exhausted and getting up at 4:30 is a struggle. I need to make it a priority for my own state of mind.

Time to get back to the stress of my job.

TODAY I LOVE: my comforting cup of coffee and my friend, my iPod, to drown out people asking me questions

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Sarah:

I just read your post about donating plasma and I wanted to encourage you to do that. My oldest son has a primary immune disease and can not fight diseases on his own because he doesn't create antibodies. Every 2-3 weeks he has to have other people's antibodies infused into his system. This product he gets is created from other people's plasma. If there was a place to donate here in Bolivar, I would do it because I know Cooper's life depends on it.

Amy Bushey

Tulsa SAHMs said...

Sarah,

Honey, don't feel like a bad kitty mamma. Moms do get frustrated and it doesn't mean they love kids any less or that they are bad moms. I LOVE Evan, but sometimes when he's on a crying streak, I just want to cry too. It's normal. :-) Perfect patience does not exist.

I totally understand about the $ thing, but you're right, it'll work itself out. We're in the same boat. Keep pluggin' along.

Well, I love ya dear and hope things get better soon. Let's just keep lifting each other up in prayer.

Talk to you soon.

Johnna