Yesterday my dad was placed in the stabilization unit here in Springfield. It was a good thing. I'm a little more relieved now that he's here and with someone who is watching him all the time. Hopefully they will get his medication leveled out or increased as needed.
Last night I had my own mental breakdown in front of my computer screen. I don't even think my sweet husband even realized it was happening! Poor fella, he was being the sweetest guy ever and was out cleaning up the kitchen, living room, and folding laundry just to make me less stressed. I'm so blessed. Anyway, I'm trying to work on my homework and there is just one concept that is not coming to me. I read the entire chapter several times. I even googled how to do this calculation and I couldn't figure it out. I got so frustrated that I just started crying. Then I started crying about everything. I started thinking I was the biggest, fattest, dirtiest, and dumbest person on the planet. I had to start talking to my Jesus. I know that I need to just turn over all my stresses and worries to Him, He is my rock and savior and will take care of me.
Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life[a]?
28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.Matthew 6:25-34
I'm going to keep looking to that passage today. I need to not worry. I need to have faith and trust in my Lord. Why do we not? Humans are so fallible.
I never did get the concept I was trying to learn last night. I just brought what I couldn't figure out into work today and I'll find someone to help me. Yet another blessing, people around me that are willing to be my teacher. I have another large exam tonight. I hope I can get all the ugly stuff out of my head and focus on the topics and concepts I should have learned.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARK
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DELRAE
TODAY I LOVE: my new blush (in golden gate) and friends who reach out to me when I'm troubled (I'm SO blessed)
2 comments:
Wow - GREAT post. So often I forget to "let go and let God". But I have ALWAYS found that in my WORST times of stress and turmoil, if I just turn it over to God....truly turn it over to him and trust in his wisdom that things work out (usually quickly and better than expected!). Thanks so much for posting that scripture.
Sorry you're having father issues. I can sympathize. My father is a complete head case and is the worst usually on Sundays when he gets bored and lonely. He calls me extremely mean and manipulative and caustic trying to upset me. It has gotten to where I do not answer the phone on Sunday mornings anymore. He refuses to take any medication for his bipolar disorder so I never know which "dad" I'm going to get when I call - the "up" dad or the "down" dad. It's a crap shoot.
I'm so glad that your dad is getting the help he needs. Your thinking is NOT selfish at all. Sometimes it's just TOO much to handle. Some of the thoughts that have gone through my head with mine are NOT nice at all and I'm so ashamed after I think them. It's SO true that we don't get to choose our family. :S
I hope things get better for you and you TACKLE that stinking calculation! Go kick it's rear! Way to stay strong hun. You're always an inspiration to me.
What a great post! I think God uses what we're going through to testify to other people. It may not make anything you're going through any easier, but I really needed to read those verses. It's been in my head for the last month, but it's soooo good to see the quoted verse. It's a necessary reminder for me b/c I'm always worrying, especially right now.
Love ya girl. Keep up the great work. Congratulations on your FANTASTIC accounting test!
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